I wanna be a rockstar
by Auska
Summary: Co written with Alz-Chan. The fellowship is a bit confused about who they are and are acting strangely. READ AND REVIEW!


We own nothing but the plot. If you don't like fics that "Lack coherence" then I strongly recommend you DON'T read this fic cause we don't even know what coherence is!  
  
This all starts in swinging Rivendell during the galactic battle for Truth, Beauty, Freedom and above all things Love! (And the rule of the Empire of course.) There was an evil known amongst mortal as you know who, he liked his martinis shaken not stirred. But all in all he was a fucking faggot! Oh Dear!  
  
In a closed bedroom outrageous noises are coming from a certain blonde (and horny) elf who is with a friend. A very close friend.  
  
"That was just Groovy Baby yeah!" he sighed when they'd finished. Homework. An owl flew in threw the open window of his chamber and landed next to him with a letter in it's beak.  
  
"Thanx Baby!" he said putting the owl who after not getting any Scooby snacks flew out the window in a hufflepuff.  
  
"Listen Baby I have to go to this photo shoot, I mean council. Shouldn't be to long then we can hop on the good foot and do the bad thing. Again!" said Legolas leaping out of bed pulling on a pair of manly leggings and a manly tunic, fixing his shagadellic hair and leaving.  
  
"Friends from distant lands. Gathered here you have been to answer the threat of Mordor. Meditate on this I have and the answer is simple you must use the force and throw Frodo's RING in the big crack you must." Said Elrond though it was obvious no one was paying attention. "The ring you must bring forth Frodo!"  
  
A little hobbity fella with round black glasses and a rather unusual scar puts a gold ring on a coffee table in the middle of the patio.  
  
"It is a gift!" said Boromir eyeing off Frodo's ring. "It's not that I'm a jealous man. I JUST DON'T LIKE OTHER PEOPLE TOUCHING MY THINGS!"  
  
"A kiss on the hand may be quite continental but an evil ring is a girls best friend!" sang Gimli wearing an obscenely revealing costume.  
  
"Yes Baby! But He is the heir to the throne of Gondor!" said Legolas pointing at Aragorn who was flicking through a Mercedes Benz pamphlet looking at all the new High-Tec cars.  
  
"Yo who the fuck is that dude?" asked Gandalf adjusting his D12 cap.  
  
"The names Elessar, Aragorn Elessar!" replied Aragorn.  
  
"Listen I'll take the ring to Mordor! After all I am the boy who lived and the one that Sauron..." began Frodo but stopped when the fellowship gasped and covered their ears. "Sorry You-Know-Who is after!"  
  
"Don't say his name Baby!" said Legolas glaring at Frodo.  
  
"9 companions! The fellowship of the ring you shall be!" said Elrond and everyone parted so they could pack there things.  
  
The Fellowship departed swinging Rivendell the next morning and began there long, long, long, long journey to Mordor (did we mention it was long?). After many days and sleepless nights (with Legolas there of course the nights were sleepless) they arrived at a place called Moria. It was dark and icky.  
  
"This place gives me the Heebie Jeebies man!" said Legolas gripping onto Aragorn's arm (or at least we think it was his arm) for dear life. "Listen you fuckers don't touch anything!" said Gandalf looking at Merry and Pippin.  
  
"No problem boss!" they replied. Though the temptation was far to great and Pippin grabbed the arm of a seemingly dead dwarf.  
  
"IT'S A BOMB!" shouted Aragorn and funnily enough it was and with a big KA- BOMB! It exploded.  
  
"Stupid mutha fucking Took!" yelled Gandalf angrily. There was a massive rumble.  
  
"Sorry my stomach," Sam. "Come on Frodo you've got to be the youngest Ring- bearer in."  
  
"A century, according to Gandalf." Said Frodo finishing Sam's sentence.  
  
"Marijuana anyone?" asked Gandalf. The silence that followed soon after was broken by a shout of despair from Boromir.  
  
"You made me believe you loved me!" he said angrily gripping Gimli's wrists as he slowly slid to the ground. Elrond then appears out of nowhere with a prediction, "Work through this you will! Help from a green fairy you will receive! Meditate more on this I shall!"  
  
Then POOF he vanished. Speaking of poofs Gandalf had more to say on the matter but we'll leave that for the uncut version.  
  
"They are coming!" declared Aragorn.  
  
"Then why are we leaving Baby? The party's just beginning!" shouted Legolas with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.  
  
"To Balemia I mean the bridge of Khazad- Dum!" said Merry and Pippin. The fellowship, lead by Aragorn ran towards a faulty bridge that wasn't finished because the slack builders had gone on to help some guy called Darth Vaider build his "Death star!"  
  
None the less they found there way across the bridge except when Gandalf fell into darkness after being lassoed by a Balrog. His last words were, "But it feels so empty without me!"  
  
"Well this looks like a job for me!" said Aragorn. "So everybody just follow me!" "Cause we need a little controversy," called Gandalf "Cause it SUCKS WHEN YOU STEAL MY LINES!" (A/n ok so they weren't his last words)  
  
The mismatched group of delinquents trudged on to a place called Lothlorien which is best described by Legolas as, "Smashing Baby Yeah!"  
  
"Have you got the poison?" asked Galadriel.  
  
"You mean the poison, the poison for the fellowship, the poison intended to kill the fellowship, the fellowships poison! That poison?" replied Celeborn  
  
"YES THAT POISON!" replied Galadriel massaging her temples. The fellowship arrived and joined Celeborn and Galadriel for dinner.  
  
"Celeborn, get the fellowship their drinks!" said Galadriel sitting at the head of the table.  
  
"Right!" replied Celeborn, and then it hit him, "Riiiigggghhhht!"  
  
"So Galadriel Baby! Shall we shag now or shag later?" asked Legolas winking.  
  
"Are you serious?" asked Galadriel stunned.  
  
"Yeah Baby! Just check out my Mojo baby yeah!" replied Legolas.  
  
"Can you feel it Celeborn?" asked Galadriel.  
  
"Oh yeah I can feel it!" answered Celeborn.  
  
"Pull the lever Celeborn!" cried Galadriel. Celeborn then pulled a lever that seemed to appear out of nowhere. Legolas then fell through the floor and cries of, "I take it as a no baby!" could be heard well after he fell.  
  
Later that night Frodo followed a sleepwalking Galadriel down to a little green area with a pond in the middle.  
  
Galadriel: Excuse me Authors  
  
Authors: What?  
  
Galadriel: It's a mirror not a pond.  
  
Authors: Fine I'll change it then!  
  
Frodo looked closely at the birdbath that lay in the centre of the parky thing and he looked in it and saw Legolas doing obscene things with his own elfhood. He'd have nightmares for months.  
  
"I bet you weren't expecting this!" said Galadriel popping up outta nowhere and lifting her skirt up and flashing her garter belt that held a little nail polish style bottle with some fancy light thing in it that was no use to Frodo what so ever but being the good little Hobbit he is, he gave her an autograph and took it back to the camp.  
  
Galadriel spiked their OJ's the next morning during breakfast and they all passed out at the table. "Dead?" cried Galadriel. "There supposed to be Llamas!"  
  
"Yeah. Weird!" replied Celeborn.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED. Or Will It?  
  
In your reviews try and guess who each character is based on. They're famous ppl or characters so you should be able to guess! If you guess them all right then. Then. We'll recommend people read YOUR fics. Okay so there won't be a big prize but we wanna know if anyone understood our random babbling (and bad spelling!) REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW 


End file.
